Has the Plague Ever Truly Left Us?

The ‘Black Death’ or bubonic plague, as it was known – based on the boils or ‘buboes’ that formed and spread in the lymph nodes of its victims – devastated the continent of Europe and the Middle East from 1347 to around 1353, after it equally terrorised China, India, Persia, Syria and Egypt earlier in the 1340’s (1).

It was notorious for its rapid spread and vile characteristics that ranged from blood and pus-filled boils that seeped and covered the body, to fever, chills, vomiting, diarrhoea, terrible aches and pains – usually followed in short order by death, sometimes even overnight after the victim went to bed feeling fine. The Black Death was caused by a bacillus (bacteria) called Yersina pestis that was spread through the air and via the bite of a flea or rats that harboured the disease, wiping out about 60% of the European population (over 50 million deaths) and over 100 million world-wide (1).

Now, after reading the above description, you may be thinking “Phew, what a relief, thank God we don’t have to deal with anything like the Black Death anymore,” or, “Glad THAT’S over with!!!” But herein lies the point of this piece, and that is that even though it may appear that through modern medical and health practices we don’t have anything that compares to the ferocity of the Black Death (even the Ebola virus doesn’t even come close at 11,310 total deaths globally attributed to this disease (2)), there is a modern plague that has spread around the globe with equal tenacity and fervour. We could refer to this disease as ‘Smart’ Phone Zombie Syndrome and perhaps the energy that seeds the idea to create a video game called ‘Zombie Apocalypse’ is the one and the same energy that is turning us into so-called zombies walking the streets running into telephone poles while on our cell phones!

Yes, it’s true folks; this contagious ‘disease’ now has the ability to affect over 3.3 billion people globally that have ‘smart’ phones (that’s over 42.5% of the current world population of approximately 7.74 billion people (at the time of writing, and likely increasing daily)) (3).

So, if 42.5% of the current world’s population have cellular connection via a smart phone (remembering the figure for connection via mobile devices is even higher at over 5 billion people and representing over 65% of the world’s population (3)!) and can talk to a friend on the other side of the planet with the push of a button, wouldn’t you think that we as a humanity would feel, you know… more connected?

But from my observations, and I’m sure the majority of the readers here would agree, this has indeed not been the case since the inception of the smart phone and other digital devices. Instead, I have noticed a rampant increase in people walking around as if their ‘smart’ phones were super-glued to their hands and with their heads and upper body hunched over staring at the screens as if in a trance-like state. Go to any employer’s lunch room and you will be hard-pressed to see an individual eating without watching or being consumed by some random internet entertainment like the latest funny animal videos or some random insane stunt that someone pulled off, which only seem to get more and more radical every day. Is it not crazy enough to jump out of a perfectly good airplane wearing a ‘wingsuit’ and glide precariously close to trees and rock-strewn mountainsides before opening your parachute at the very last second? Apparently not, as one can always find something more extreme with their ‘zombie-inducing device’ (aka cell phone).

I feel that to continue down this path of illusionary ‘connection’ will result in an even greater amount of mental disorders such as dementia than we currently have due to the compounding effects from the disconnection to one’s body, escapism and insatiable desire for greater forms of stimulation to counteract the initial unsettlement one has felt.

It’s as if we are all looking for something – connection – but have gone astray in the attempt to find it and instead have inserted cell phones as the surrogate substitute. But when two people who are on a first date at a restaurant barely say two words to each other during their meal and instead have their noses in their phones or are not even really listening to each other when their date is speaking because they are busy texting some other person, we need to get honest about what kind of connection we are really fostering here.

Even the extreme act of the ‘wingsuit’ jumper can be interpreted as an attempt to gain connection with others via the attention and recognition that he or she may gain from performing such a dangerous stunt and pulling it off (or not, as some people are satisfied with a posthumous form of fame as well). I’ve also noticed how parents have used cell phones and iPads as ‘babysitters’ or given them to their very young children in the grocery store as a distraction when in fact I recall as a child riding in the shopping cart and looking all around in the store to be quite stimulating. Of course, one could also extrapolate this phenomenon to the ever-increasing video game addictions that are now at a global epidemic level as well.

What force is driving us to behave in these ways when we know deep down that it is not our true way? No one in their heart can say that it is normal or healthy to play an online video game all night on their phone that involves trying to brutally shoot and kill another person who is actually their friend living in another country playing on their own phone. Yet it is as if we are using these methods of ‘entertainment’ to distract ourselves from some form of inner unsettlement because we have bought into a system of living that is based on individualism, standing out, beating another, competition, gaining recognition or acceptance from an external source. And the pain that we feel inside, knowing deep down that this goes against our truly divine, interconnected nature that holds all in its universal love is too much to bear, hence the need for outer forms of entertainment and mental distraction to keep us, if but for only a moment, from feeling how we have deviated from a form of connection to our inner hearts, and thus, to God.

Now, to be clear, I have no intention here of vilifying all electronic devices in any way, for they all can be used in a way to keep us connected globally and for great service. In addition and with full disclosure, I have certainly fallen for the lure of the infinite amount of entertainment and thus distraction that cell phones and computers provide, and at times find myself way down a rabbit hole of YouTube videos that I may have justified as being work related but in truth were being used to check out from feeling something else that was going on in my life, as in after a difficult situation with a family member or co-worker, or feeling guilty about indulging in something I knew was not supportive of me. However, when I have used my phone in this manner, it has always left me feeling exhausted and icky inside, and definitely not ‘connected’. It’s almost like we use our cell phones as our ‘security blankets’ wherever we go, and they ironically become our ‘go-to’ method of avoiding the very connection that we so deeply crave.

With the aforementioned in mind, we can all take a step backwards and begin to observe what may have been the underlying emotional reason for our choice to use these electronic devices… to avoid the form of connection with each other that we know has been inside and in front of us all along. Imagine that same date night described above, but this time each person is actually looking deeply into the other’s eyes, feeling their Soul and all that it shines forth, and appreciating how much we are all equally amazing beings with so much to offer the world. How could any text or YouTube video compare to this level of divine connection, if one so chooses it?

This blog was inspired by a wise observation made by my daughter comparing the Plague of the Middle Ages and modern illness and disease.

Confused. By. Deception. (CBD) – A Modern-Day Snake Oil

The compound CBD (Cannabidiol) is derived from the marijuana or hemp plant and is currently the newest rage and being touted as the latest ‘cure-all’ in the health and wellbeing industry. The claims made by its proponents cover a broad spectrum of supposed benefits, ranging from a reversal of depression, halting of psychosis and healing PTSD to curing cancer. (1)

In fact, here is a more comprehensive list of claimed benefits now coming from the myriad of companies that are touting CBD as a multi-pronged solution for literally dozens of mental, emotional and physical ailments, including the abilities to: slow Parkinson’s disease, curb anger, prevent anxiety, relieve menstrual cramps, lessen arthritis pain, treat Crohn’s disease, lower blood sugar, rejuvenate skin, heal brain injury, cure insomnia, speed recovery from workouts, calm dogs and stop epilepsy.

Of that entire list, only the limiting of seizures as experienced by people with two rare forms of epilepsy has been medically proven to be somewhat alleviated with the use of CBD oil. (2)

CBD oil is being marketed and sold inside products as far ranging as hamburgers and shampoo to gummy bears in a way to capitalize on a form of created ‘normalcy’ by the companies selling these products, when in fact there are many questions about its legality and efficacy.

Although I feel that it’s everyone’s choice as to what products they use to support the health and wellness of their bodies, the current groundswell of companies and distributors popping up at almost every street corner selling CBD in a way that promises the consumer that it can cure such vastly different illnesses and diseases without any scientific evidence or even FDA approval and oversight is at the very least alarming and is taking advantage of people’s medical needs in a deceiving way,  capitalising on this with massive financial gains at their customers’ expense, whether it works for them or not.

“CBD is being produced without any regulation, resulting in products that vary widely in quality”, said Marcel Bonn-Miller, an adjunct Assistant Professor of Psychology in Psychiatry at the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine. “It really is the Wild West,” Bonn-Miller said. “Joe Bob who starts up a CBD company could say whatever the hell he wants on a label and sell it to people.” (2)

The method by which CBD affects our body’s internal mechanisms is via what is known as the Endocannabinoid System, which is a complex cell-signalling system that is responsible for maintaining a state of homeostasis within the body by producing endogenous cannabinoids (AEA & 2AG) that are molecules which attach to endocannabinoid receptors found in the central nervous system (CB1) and the peripheral nervous system (CB2) within the immune system and on various organs like the kidneys and liver, thus modulating their function in various ways not fully understood by science. After the endocannabinoids  AEA & 2AG carry out their functions they are broken down by two different enzymes produced by the body. (3)

The physiological effects of this natural system found within the human body are quite vast and include those that control and modulate chronic pain, stress, sleep, emotional moods, learning, memory, metabolism, inflammation/immune system, the cardiovascular system, liver and kidney function, appetite, skin & nerve function, reproduction/fertility, bone growth and motor control. (3)

By now the above extensive list of innate benefits of the body’s harmonious endocannabinoid system may appear very familiar to you, as it mirrors those claimed by the advocates of CBD oil as listed in the first segment of this piece. Even though CBD oil, (which, by the way, still contains at the very least trace amounts of the psychoactive drug Tetrahydrocannabinol (THC) and without proper FDA oversight cannot be truly determined or controlled), can be received by the body through its own natural receptors to produce its effects on various physiological systems, it does not mean that it is safe or required for our health and wellbeing. We have opioid receptors for heroin, but does that mean we should inject it into our veins to help with chronic pain and stress, or to help us go to sleep? Obviously not.

There is evidence to suggest that the scientific and medical field has a tendency to extrapolate meanings and connections based on theories of what they want to be true without necessarily confirming anything with repeatable evidence, all in the name of funding, profit and prestige. (4)

For instance, even calling this system of homeostatic control the ‘Endocannabinoid System’ just because it contains receptors for cannabinoid containing compounds like THC can then cause a situation where people more easily justify smoking marijuana, even though it clearly causes a disharmony in the body and mind, taking us away from any true state of homeostasis that the body’s natural systems maintain. This pseudo-science then paves the way for other fad products like CBD oil to be seen as the next ‘saviour’ for our current state of poor health and wellbeing.

The current market environment selling CBD oil is a literal free-for-all, with a lot of companies making huge profits while seemingly taking advantage of people’s desperation to feel better in their lives. The rates of illness, disease and unsettlement continually rise within a society that does not appear to want to deal with the underlying causes of these physical, mental and emotional issues, but instead would prefer the ‘quick fix’ or cure rather than do the work to truly create a lasting healing, perhaps because this would require a level of honesty that would expose their lack of responsibility for not taking care and loving themselves enough to avoid these issues in the first place.

Perhaps the fact that our bodies already have a perfectly good system in place (the Endocannabinoid System) to control and  maintain a homeostatic state of wellbeing is showing us that we have let ourselves be fooled by the appearance of yet another ‘snake oil’, this time called CBD, which only distracts us from what is needed for true healing, a trust and connection with the body that will show us not only how we have been treating it, but how to proceed forth when we reconnect to a more honest and self-loving way that does not look outside of it any more for answers or temporary fixes, but looks deep within to the cause of our problems and the source of our healing.

I may not be a scientist, but I’ve always been a why-entist

I may not be a scientist, but I’ve always been a why-entist

Society tends to hold a position that only those with the kinds of academic credentials that include the letters PhD are worthy of listening to when it comes to investigating and explaining Life and the Universe we live in.

But what if all we truly needed to gain a better understanding of ourselves, others and the world we live in was to simply nurture that innate curiosity we engendered as a child, and begin to use the interrogative word WHY to bring a deeper understanding to the true nature of our reality?

All too often we are content to assume that all the discontentment, struggle, ill-ness and turmoil we see around us can be explained away with flippant comments such as “that’s just the way it is” . . . when in fact, everything happens because something has made it so, and we could instead be asking the deeper questions of why these things are still so prevalent in our society when we claim that we are an advanced and intelligent civilisation.

Ever since I was a young boy, and continuing to this day, I have been fascinated with why things are the way they are and have been very much determined to go deeper than the typical explanation given to me, whether it was from teachers, parents, friends or adults. Now this tendency is very common with young children, as they search to understand the world they have entered, and they know straight away when they are given an answer that is meant to actually avoid a more profound or philosophical exploration. It’s usually only later on, after a pattern of either dismissal or unwillingness to ‘go there’ by the adults around them, that they resign themselves to drop their wonderment of the world and join the ranks of those who concede that they were probably wrong to question things using the powerful ‘why’, and that this is just the way the world will always be, so why ask why?

This approach feels to me to be one of almost ‘putting one’s head in the sand’ like an ostrich, not wanting to ask the big questions that might unravel the massive knot that is our current disconnected and dis-eased world, as if by hiding or ignoring the situation it will all magically go away. We then tend to go into all kinds of self-negating behaviours (such as overeating, drug/ alcohol abuse and using other stimulants) to suppress and numb the feeling of letting go of what we know to be the Truth all along.

However, what I have found to be very rewarding throughout my whole life, no matter what the situation, is that by letting my natural inquisitiveness come to the fore regarding why a certain thing occurred and what was its deeper philosophical and energetic cause, life begins to blossom into a world of wonderment, rather than the dull boredom that so many people all too often complain is their norm.

A great example of this unfolded when I ended up getting into a playful philosophical conversation with a wise little boy at a friend’s wedding reception years ago, in which he would ask me various questions about things like, “Why can’t we see air, but we can feel it?” to which I would give my best scientific explanation, only to be immediately followed up with another “But WHY?” This went on and on for some time, as we traversed the inner world of wonderment that flowed so effortlessly from this beautiful child, and after many strings of ‘answers’ that I gave him, we inevitably came to a point at which the only reply that I could come up with was ‘Well, geez, actually I don’t know why, it just is, I guess.’

I walked away from this enlightening encounter with a greater appreciation of both this boy’s and my own natural curiosity and willingness to gain a deeper understanding for the foundation of natural phenomena and human behaviour. This interaction left a lasting impression on me, in that it not only spurred on my own inquisitive way of being, but also reminded me that there comes a point in our questions of life where we reach a limit on our current state of awareness and have to come to terms with the answer being taken care of by a Divine power that is providing the order and coordinating the outplay that we see before us on Earth and beyond.

Now, has this realisation stopped me from continuing to ask the many ‘Why?’ questions of life? … Nope! Because I feel that by continuing to ask the big questions about the causes of why things are the way they are in the world, it opens up the space and opportunity to reach the next level of understanding that is there for all of us to be aware of, and to gain the insight into why we make the choices that we do. There is a ‘call and response’ relationship that develops from this approach, where we are provided with the next marker of evolutionary awareness from our Soul/God when we are ready and willing to ask for and accept the truths that are there to step into and live by.

So there is a real irony to explore here, in that the very sought after initials PhD, which denote a certain level of mastery in one’s scientific field of expertise, actually stand for Doctorate in Philosophy, yet somehow we have let go of the philosophical component that delves into the why aspect of Life, in favour of focussing on identifying the mechanisms or what conditions are out there in the physically observable Universe and how do they relate to each other, which is the foundation for modern science.

What if we once again incorporated philosophy back into science in the way that it once was, hence the PhD designation, and to complete the trifecta, restored religion in its true meaning, which is simply to reconnect to the grand Divinity from which we come, and consider that everything that we see and observe in our world is ultimately part of a greater Plan. So perhaps when we are finally ready to get to the point of wanting to know the Truth of ‘Why?’ in science, then we are truly ready to accept the honourable title of PhD.

At a 2005 scientific conference at City College of New York, a student in the audience rose to ask the panellists an unexpected question: “Can you be a good scientist and believe in God?” Reaction from one of the panellists – all Nobel laureates – was quick and sharp. “No!” declared Herbert A. Hauptman, who shared the chemistry prize in 1985 for his work on the structure of crystals. “Belief in the supernatural, especially belief in God, is not only incompatible with good science”, Dr. Hauptman declared, “this kind of belief is damaging to the wellbeing of the human race.”[1]

This statement highlights for me the way that science and scientists ‘lose the forest for the trees’ by focussing so much on dissecting the world into little pieces and zooming in on them in a myopic way that limits their ability to see that what they were really observing all along was the expression and body of God.

An alternative view to the previous example – and one that I find very pertinent to the subject and value of asking ‘Why?’ in life – is one from UK science writer and editor of the science journal Nature, Philip Ball, where he is commenting on how quantum physicists have shown that the manner of observing an experiment seems to have a physical influence on the results or outcomes and states that:

“Rather, what quantum mechanics seems to be saying is that what you will see depends on the questions you ask, and that’s subtly different. It’s saying there are various possibilities that this quantum system could produce. If you ask certain questions, it will produce these answers with these probabilities, but if you ask other questions it will produce these other answers.”[2]

Now that is quite fascinating; that perhaps the very act of asking certain particular questions opens up a door of awareness that was previously unavailable to us, as has been inferred in quantum mechanical experiments.

Another thing to consider here is that when people go about their lives believing that everything that occurs in the Universe is subject to some completely random and meaningless arrangement of particles and people, they can then dismiss the value in adopting a deeper inquiry into why things manifest themselves, and this may even lead to giving up on life in general. Because if we feel that all that we see is the result of a disorderly combination of energies, then how can we feel empowered to take responsibility for all our actions, or even feel the purpose of taking any action at all, if disorder could easily follow without any reason?

But this is most certainly NOT the way our Universe and our life on Earth operates, for how could it possibly all be a result of a haphazard combination of things when we see so many examples of a consistent Divine expression in Nature, from the Fibonacci spirals of a nautilus shell to the exact same geometric ratios being observed in magnificent spiral galaxies. Everything, yes, everything that we see and experience has happened for a reason because something has made it happen, and is a result of either Love being its foundation, which will bring an order and harmony to the situation, or the lack of Love, which will inevitably have disorder, disharmony, complication and emotion being its inherent outplay. When we see life in this way, everything in life becomes a reflection, showing us what is and what is not Love.

Once we accept that there is indeed a Divine Order and meaning to all that is expressed for us to learn and evolve by in Life, it benefits us all to begin to ask the deeper ‘Why?’ questions so we can not only get to the bottom of what energy impulses our choices – Love or not-love – but also begin to grasp the vast Grandness that we all come from when we reach that gorgeous point of wonderment at not having the answers right now, knowing in our hearts that they are held in God’s hands for us to one day hold in our own.

Redefining ‘Food for Thought’

Redefining ‘Food for Thought’

I’m pretty sure most people would consider food to be all the usual things we buy at our local grocery store such as your typical meats, fruits, vegetables, grains and the like. But what I have come to realise and feel so much more is how our whole body acts like a giant receptor for the energy that comes into it through all of our senses, not merely via the mouth into our stomachs. And by ‘all our senses’ I am including our most very important ‘sixth sense’ – you know, the one that tells you someone is feeling depressed before they even utter a word to confirm it, or the one that smells something ‘fishy’ when a lawmaker is making a promise, but you get the sense that he is not being genuine.

This antenna of truth we colloquially refer to as the ‘sixth sense’ could actually be considered to be our most important, as the energy that enters it provides us the feedback that we then feel in the form of various sensations, telling us if they jive or not with what we know to be true. A still and more settled body therefore provides us with a more sensitive ‘receptor’ to distinguish whether or not an outside energy disturbs it or not, and this is more difficult to fool than our five other main bodily senses of sight, hearing, smell, touch and taste. Anyone can say or sing something that may be appealing to the ear for another person, but that doesn’t mean that what they are delivering is truthful or beneficial for our bodies.

And this leads to the next aspect of this sharing, which is that there have been many times when, after having a challenging or stressful day at work, I used to find myself listening to music that I had not heard for years – music which interestingly matched the melancholy mood I was in, or evoked a feeling of being ‘taken away’ in an attempt to escape from something that was emotionally coming up for me to deal with via the events of the day, but which I was avoiding by listening to that type of music. The vibration of the music was therefore synonymous with ‘eating’ any other type of food, as it was going into my body and having a direct effect on the quality of my consciousness and state of being.

When we consider how the human body is comprised of approximately 75% water, and that researchers such as Dr Masaru Emoto have already proven that water can hold the vibration of consciousness in the form of various patterns of ice crystals based on the mental and emotional state of being of the people holding the water (1), it comes as no surprise that sound in all its forms (through speech, music, industry, nature sounds, etc.) has a tremendous effect on us in many ways.

Emoto’s work has even been further validated in that water holds energetic memories by experiments done at the Aerospace Institute of the University of Stuttgart. At this research centre they took microscopic images of water droplets placed by various people and amazingly each person’s droplets displayed a unique energetic pattern that was different from the others’, even though they were pulled from the same source of water! When different flowers were placed in the water and microscopically imaged afterwards, each flower left its unique pattern in the water droplets, even after the flower was removed, and these patterns were consistently displayed in all the samples from that flower (2). The implications of this research are quite staggering as it is showing us how our state of consciousness, in fact our every thought, creates an energetic imprint that directly affects our world around us, and especially our own physiology.

One could conclude from this that it is indeed possible that we ingest these thoughts and words spoken from others. Along with their state of being and vibration, they travel on into our bodies when we interact with each other. Anyone who has been on the receiving end of an angry outburst or emotional tirade could attest to this reaction inside of them.

I’m sure most people can relate to how they feel in their bodies after watching some grotesque, bloody and violent horror film compared to watching something like a BBC nature documentary on the Amazonian rainforest. But what we don’t always take into account is that these visual stimuli are just as much a form of nourishment (or not, in the case of the horror film) as eating a fresh homemade salad. When we bombard our eyes with visual stimulation in the form of violence and disregard for the human body, one can’t help but understand how these things become accepted as social norms, as if to say “Well, that’s just the way it is in the world.” Although these things are indeed unfortunately prevalent, it is most certainly not ‘normal’. It’s not just the violence that can have a lasting effect either. I know that when I have caught myself mentally checking out on YouTube videos under the guise of ‘doing research’, it has left me feeling disconnected from my body, as if I had really neglected it. It also affects our body posture while we are zoning out on those things, which leads to a contraction in us that lets in an energy that sometimes does not feel like it belongs (hence the zombie-like state many people are seen in while watching TV for long periods of time).

Moving on to our olfactory senses, I can definitely attest to how yucky I have felt in the past after not wearing proper respiratory protection while using toxic chemicals at work, and also how calming the smell of lavender flowers are, or how the aroma of an Indian curry dish calls me into the kitchen. All these smells have a direct effect on our state of mind and how we feel in general. This is the basis of modalities like aromatherapy, using essential oils as a form of healing. Like the difference between a tender caress of one’s fingers through their partner’s hair compared to a harsh slap on the back between mates, the quality of these different movements can also have profoundly different results on our bodies, just as those of various scents. In fact, moving our body in a gentle and rhythmic way, focusing on touching and moving objects in this manner, can act like the best medicine for our body, cascading it in this gentleness as opposed to the hardness that can enter it via the manipulation of things with harshness.

If we consider all these sensory forms of ‘intake’, and hold the view of our whole body as a unified, delicate instrument that receives energy in all its forms, it really can change the way we approach our day and inspire us to only expose it to a quality that will enable it to stay settled, still, and open to expressing and receiving more love in our lives.

So perhaps it would be true to say that ‘food for thought’ could just as easily be converted into ‘thought for food’, as all the energies that our six senses receive can change our thoughts in a way that either supports us or takes us further away from our true harmonious and loving way of being. Those deviating thoughts can then continue this downward cycle by encouraging us to ‘eat’ things, via food and our other senses, that further numb or de-sensitise us in an attempt to not feel how we have been disconnected from ourselves or to avoid feeling the pain of a past emotional hurt. It all comes down to a choice; to feed ourselves with sensory inputs and experiences that either dull and mask who we truly are, or inspire us to express from our true essence, claiming our Divine origins.

OMG! Where’s My Wallet?

OMG! Where’s My Wallet?

You calmly reach into your jacket or maybe even the glove box of your car for your wallet, only to find it mysteriously missing, even though you could swear that you put it in that exact spot after the last time you used it. “No big deal, it must be in my other jeans inside the house,” you say to yourself, albeit in a self-convincing manner that already feels to be one that is losing confidence… rapidly. Before you know it, you are desperately looking in every nook and cranny of the house, ripping through drawers, cabinets and closets until the whole place looks like it has just been through an FBI drug raid!

I imagine I am not the only one who has gone through at least a semblance of the above scenario, whether it be via lost keys, credit card or even sunglasses, but after recently experiencing similar situations with both a seemingly lost passport and credit card, I decided to open up my own little investigation (minus the FBI tactics) to get to the bottom of why this has been a recurrent theme throughout my adult life. My amateur detective hunch was that it had something to do with presence (not the birthday type, either).

Earlier this year, in anticipation of an upcoming business trip to Europe, I offered to retrieve passports that I had packed away during our family’s recent move to our new home. “No problem, this should be easy” I thought, only to find myself hours later frantically rummaging through every box in the attic after all of our passports were not in the box I originally thought I placed them in a year ago. My anxiety level was going up every minute that went by without successfully locating them. I noticed during this whole process that my mind began to come up with all kinds of crazy scenarios that would explain their disappearance, such as “the box they were in was never loaded by the moving company” or “maybe I never even packed them in the first place.” I was beginning to believe they had fallen into another dimension, really!

During this panicked search, worrying that we would have to pay hundreds of dollars for an expedited passport renewal, I became aware of just how disconnected I had become from my body and how I was being led by the thoughts in my head rather than staying settled and present with myself. My breathing changed from gently via my nose to through my open mouth and my heart rate was higher than normal, all signs that I was a bit ‘out of it’ when it came to my normal daily rhythms. These were my initial retroactive observations that would go a long way in arriving at a clear concept of the ‘culprit’ responsible for this lifetime trend of losing things.

After not being able to locate the passport and indeed having to pay that huge fee for an expedited one, a number of months went by and I found myself back up in our loft area looking for a storage bin. As I opened the closet door and looked down at the bins, I could almost feel what was barely hidden right before my eyes. At the bottom of the stacked bins lay a number of small items neatly packed away, among them being all of our passports!!! “You’ve got to be kidding me!” I exclaimed out loud, in somewhat of a self-berating tone. But right after that I had to laugh at the crazy emotional rollercoaster that I had just put myself through, when they had been lying under my nose all along, as I had actually looked at those very same bins during my initial search at least three or four times. It was in this moment that, only upon reflection later, I would realise the biggest clue to this mystery had then been revealed to me. Neither did I know that I was about to get the clincher a few weeks later.

The readers of this blog might think this is a fabricated story just for dramatic effect, but the truth is that about a quarter of the way into the writing of this piece, I actually ‘lost’ my wallet! Other than later providing the obvious title to this writing, it brought me to a point in my understanding of this pattern of losing and finding things that I had never had before. You see, even after the last episode with the passports, I dropped into that old pattern of scrambling around the house looking for it, calling the last store I used it at, assuming that someone stole it out of my car, etc. etc., even though no money had been taken out of any of my accounts. But this time, in the midst of my panic about the ramifications of losing my wallet and having no success in locating it, I simply called off the search, laid down on the couch, and surrendered. Not in the sense of giving up, but with the intention of saying no to the nervous energy that I had let drive me up to that point and to allow myself the space to feel all that was coming up for me in that moment.

You see, there was actually a deep sadness that I felt from the fact that I had created these emotionally charged scenarios by ‘losing’ things and in the reactions that ensued I had chosen to let go of what I now know is the true essence of stillness and settlement that is our natural way, which I had been connecting to more and more in my daily life. Immediately upon getting up and preparing for work, I received in my mind the exact location of my wallet – in my toolbox at work! – a place that I usually do not store it, for sure. The choice to become very still and accept the possibility of being more ritualistic in the way I store things to support myself revealed to me the truth of the situation.

There exists a myriad of ways that we avoid this natural stillness within us – eating sugary foods, drinking caffeinated beverages, intense exercise, over-working, creating dramas in our lives, etc. – but what became so obvious to me in this last episode of misplacing my wallet was that there was an underlying pattern here in which every time that I thought I had lost something, I inevitably ended up finding it right under my nose! I can’t tell you how many times this has occurred at my work, where I couldn’t find a certain tool, searched all over the airplane and hangar, thinking the worst, only to find it patiently sitting right inside my tool bag, as if to say: “Are you finished playing games and looking outside yourself for all the answers? I was waiting here all along!”

It was with this realisation that I had come to the underlying message that these experiences were offering me: that in life we have many times been taught to look for recognition, acceptance, approval, and ultimately love from an external source, without first connecting to and feeling that we have all that we need right here inside our inner hearts.

There truly is nothing to ‘find’ outside of us that can be any more meaningful, fulfilling or wise than what can be felt by allowing ourselves to simply be without the need to do anything to prove that we are good enough in the world. Continuing to search for these things outside of us will only result in the same kind of emotional turmoil that I had put myself through during all those years of apparently losing things. But now I can say with authority that I have truly found what is the most treasured thing I can imagine… ME, in my true essence.

… ME!